I took the train for the first time in a long time the other day. While I was busy slumming it with Bus Eireann for the past year it turns out the Calcutta Express was getting a makeover. I landed on track 7 in Heuston to be greeted with a train that wouldn't look out of place in a French film.
I stepped aboard and waited for my nostrils to be filled with the familiar hum of cigarettes and Supermacs, but instead I was met with a new car smell and clean upholstery. There were bins-bins- every few seats. Even the toilets had been raised to an acceptable European standard-gone was the steel bucket filled to the brim with piss and jack's roll, and in its place was a futuristic toilet capsule-complete with working flusher and a proper lock to keep the perverts at bay. I didn't even have to pick any used tampons off my shoes. Even the passengers seem to have been upgraded. Not a sunburn or can of Bulmers in sight. I disembarked in a polite fashion, in keeping with the company, and weaved my way through the designer luggage and out onto the Luas stop.
The bang of shit Dublin hash stung my airway and I snapped back to reality. As I boarded the Luas we were treated to an off the cuff rendition of "Crazy" by a lover to a lover, sung in the key of Vat 69.
We're not there yet, but we're getting there.
7 comments:
Sounds very fancy Dublinista, it's a must-try!
I once wrote a song called "We're not there yet, but we're getting there" about Iarnrod Eireann.
Such a good slogan. Almost as good as the Customer Happiness Charts on the Darts.
I did Lyon-Paris in 2 hours with the TGV and since then have been convinced Iron-rod Eireann deliberatly go slow to give tourists the impression that Ireland is a much bigger place.
That, at least, would explain Dublin-Cork 5 hours (it being around half the distance between Paris and Lyon)
Sarah-How can I listen to that song? I need to hear it.
La Craic: Are trains not meant to be faster than cars? Is that not one of their selling points? You could cycle to cork in 5 hours.
sung in the key of Vat 69
*sighs nostalgically*
Rosie: Its what every family reunion should be made of
They've been running those trains on the Sligo line for a while. Very disconcerting when first encountered.
I want to own a train, how sweet would that be? I could have an apartment in one of the carriages and a secret casino in another oh oh oh and a disco-techno-dancehall!
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